


only human.

by hi_its_tutty



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders is a Good Friend, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Bullying, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, with implied comfort--
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:48:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25659265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hi_its_tutty/pseuds/hi_its_tutty
Summary: "I'm not just some gay token minority that 'shatters stereotypes.' I'm only human."Essentially, Patton breaks down.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 5
Kudos: 29





	only human.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kosmical](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kosmical/gifts).



> hello!! so this is actually inspired by a small doodle by @kosmicsides on tumblr and instagram!! her art is absolutely amazing and just gosh i love it so much!! she's wonderful, please give her all of her love!! <33
> 
> that being said, a few warnings for some implied homophobia, as well as angst! and only a little bit of comfort, but it's there!
> 
> hope you enjoy! <3

Patton was _tired_ more than anything. 

He was tired of being the only out gay kid in his school. He was tired of everyone looking at him like he did something wrong by being alive. He was tired of all of the people who thought they were helping him by putting him on a pedestal, only to scowl at him whenever he did something out of the ‘gay guy’ stereotype, whatever that was. He was tired of those same people telling him that he was supposed to break the stereotypes and be his own person. He was tired of not being able to be his own person. 

He was tired of having to follow the stereotypes he set for himself. 

He was the ‘Happy-Pappy Patton’ that everyone came to if they needed a little burst of joy ( ~~even if he didn’t feel it himself~~ ). His door was always unlocked for venting ( ~~even if he didn’t have the mental capacity for it~~ ). And most importantly: he was always happy ( ~~even if he was so, _so_ sad inside~~)! 

No, the comments didn’t bother him! He took it all with a smile! A little education here and there was completely necessary, but Patton was _always_ completely patient with everyone! Even if they outright opposed who he was, he was _always. Completely. Patient._

“Alright, the jig is up, what the fuck is wrong with you?” Virgil said, once he dragged Patton underneath the school bleachers. 

Patton’s smile turned slightly confused. “Nothing’s wrong with me, kiddo! I’m just your good ole’ Patton! Cheery as I can be!” he said, ignoring the way his heart hurt (One of the more... _forward_ guys, Chad, was being especially rude today. But that didn’t bother Patton at all! He just needed to give him some more kindness and hope that he’d break through to him!). 

“Yeah right, Pat. Nobody, not even you, can listen to _that_ asshole’s remarks and be perfectly okay. Tell me what’s up,” Virgil said, not believing Patton when he said he was okay. (Even though he was!) ( ~~No, he really wasn’t~~.) 

“Trust me kiddo, I’m fine. No need to worry about me. That’s my job!” Patton said, trying to be as sincere as he could. He was completely fine! All he needed to do was put a smile on his face and everything would be perfectly okay! 

“Dude. In the, what, two years that we’ve known each other, I haven’t seen you openly sad in front of anyone _once_. You need to learn to open up,” Virgil said, making Patton think about all the times he did exactly what he was doing now. (What was that word Logan found? Eccedentesiast?) 

“Well, in the past two years, I’ve been _fine_ kiddo. All Chad needs is a little more kindness to show him that I’m not all that bad! I’m almost through to him, I know it!” Patton’s smile turned a little bit brighter ( ~~a little bit faker~~ ). “If I’m just patient with him-” 

“Patton, you’ve been patient for the past three years! Ever since you’ve come out! I’m not saying that what you’re doing isn’t absolutely amazing, but dude! You’re not a robot! You don’t need to be happy all the goddamn time!” Virgil exclaimed, making Patton’s smile falter the _teensiest_ bit. 

“Well, of course, I’m _nut_ a robot kiddo! If I was, I’d think you’d be calling me _dad-ta_ instead!” Patton tried for a smile. Yeah! He’d go for what he was best at! Puns always helped! 

Virgil didn’t smile. “Pat, I’m worried about you. You can’t keep going on and pretending that everything’s fine. It’s okay to have emotions,” he said, in a softer voice than Patton would like. 

“Of course I have emotions kiddo,” Patton said. “It’s just that my little emotion’s dial is set to happy! You know, since I’m a robot.” Patton winked, hoping to get _some_ sort of _something_ out of Virgil. 

He didn’t. “Pat, I get it if you don’t want to talk about it. It’s just-” Virgil sighed and fiddled with the sleeves of his hoodie. “I care about you. And I know you have emotions other than happy. You’re always busy caring about other people and making sure _they_ have a safe place to talk to, but do _you_?” 

Patton stayed quiet, his smile fading. He looked to the side for a second, not wanting to look at Virgil’s worried expression. (Virgil was worried about _Patton_. Virgil, who already had so much anxiety and _other_ _stuff_ to worry about in his life was worried about _Patton_ , and if Patton actually opened up who _knows_ how that could affect him? Patton would only hurt him by opening up, and he _couldn’t_ do that, Virgil _needed_ Patton to be perfectly okay and happy, _Patton_ needed Patton to be perfectly okay and happy, otherwise, who _knows_ what could happen, who _knows_ how many people Patton would hurt-) 

“I didn’t think so,” Virgil said, bringing Patton out of his slightly spiraling thoughts. “Pat, everyone needs someone to talk to sometimes. Even you. It’s not your job to always be happy for everyone.” 

“Isn’t it, though?” Patton asked quietly, still not looking at Virgil. 

“No. It isn’t. You’re allowed to not be okay, dude. You’re allowed to be sad. And you’re allowed to show other people your not-so-good emotions,” Virgil said quietly. 

Patton bit his lip. “But-” 

“No buts.” 

Patton took a shaky breath. (Why was it _shaky_? Patton _could not_ cry right now. He _needed_ to be happy and he _needed_ to be strong. He couldn’t. He _wouldn’t_.) 

And then something inside of Patton just. 

_Snapped_. 

“I’m just so sick and _tired_ of this all, Virgil!” he basically _sobbed_. “I can’t deal with everyone, pretty much _everyone_ forcing me to do this and that with no regard to how I actually am! I’m tired of everyone thinking that, just because I’m gay, or just because I’m happy, or just because I’m _Patton Foster_ , that I can be put into a box and just be kept there! For eternity!” 

( _Patton, stop. Patton, you can’t do this to Virgil. Patton, you’re only going to hurt him. Patton, you need to **stop**._) 

For the first time ever, Patton ignored the little voice in his head. 

“It’s like, I do this, and I’m fitting into some dumb stereotype that I’m supposed to be breaking! I do that, and suddenly nobody believes me! I’m not just some gay token minority that ‘shatters stereotypes.’ I’m only human,” Patton pretty much yelled, then stopped. He paused, taking a moment to be able to speak again because _jeez_ , the lump in his throat was really big, and he let out a few sobs. “I’m only human,” he repeated, quieter. 

Virgil stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Patton, and let him cry. He let him cry and cry and cry because Patton hadn’t cried in front of another human being in so long that he just _broke down_ and couldn’t stop. He stayed silent while Patton sobbed, which Patton was grateful for because he didn’t think that he could listen to anything right now anyway. 

He cried for what seemed like hours. He felt lightheaded when his sobs turned into soft cries, and eventually shaky, but deep breaths. _Gosh_ , he really needed some hot chocolate right now. 

He pulled away from Virgil, and took his glasses off to clean them. “Thanks,” he said, putting them back on and feeling like he was on the verge of another breakdown. 

“Thank you. For opening up. I just want you to be healthy, Pat,” Virgil said, the corner of his lip raising slightly. (Patton thought that Virgil could read minds for a second, because even the _slightest_ smile from Virgil made Patton instantly feel 100 times better). 

“I, uh, guess I’m really not a robot after all. I think the tears might’ve short circuited my wires,” Patton said, and gave a slightly wet laugh. 

“I’m glad you’re not. After all, robots can’t drink hot chocolate, and I have some at my house…” Virgil trailed off, leaving the offer open to Patton if he wanted to take it. 

“You read my mind,” Patton said, giving his first genuine smile in a long time. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading!! it means the world to me!! 
> 
> make sure to go check out @kosmicsides on [tumblr](https://kosmicsides.tumblr.com/) and [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/kosmicsides/?hl=en), and check out her [beautiful fics here on ao3](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kosmical)!! 
> 
> and if you like my own work, consider checking out my [tumblr](https://hi-its-tutty.tumblr.com/)!! have a wonderful day!! <3


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